NachtRuine

Alright, sit down little pimps and pimpettes, lemme explain this to your face: this guy is a goddamn sexual Tyrannosaurus Rex riding a spaceship to the Moon made completely out of Blackjack and hookers (The Moon, not the spaceship). So much so that I've taken the liberty to compile this list so's you can understand it! It's called:

Why is Nacht such a badass motherfucker who I should simultaneously fear and respect?

1. He's going to build the Sun Cathedral

That's right, he's gonna build a goddamn giant church dedicated to the goddamn Sun.

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Bill Nye the Science Pimp tells it like it is.
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Patron Saint of the Goddamn Sun: Solaire of Astora

Now this buildin' gonna be tight as fuck. I'm talking:

=Tinted glass windows so's you can be cultured, you factionless swine!
=Pews for every motherfucker who's gonna preach to the goddamn Sun!
=100 meters of pure, unadulterated religion! You gonna have to RUN to that fucking preacher when he asks for a pittance to keep the place running!
=Books for days so you can educate your dumb ass' self! Might even have enchantments so you can do some wizardry on some hoes!
=Shit's gonna be tall and majestic as FUCK. I'm talkin' so goddamn tall, Robert Waldow (current holder for US' tallest person) would fucking spin in his grave!
=Goddamn farm right in front of it so you can stuff your fat face before thanking the Goddamn Sun for letting you swallow that carrot that IT FUCKING GREW.
=I still got space here, so FUCK YOUR MOM TOO.
=Oh, did I forget to mention:

2. He's gonna build the best goddamn city ever: Blighttown

Now I know some acute motherfucker's gonna be like, "Oh, fearsome Nacht, wasn't Blighttown such a shithole in Demon's Souls?"

2.5 SHUT YOUR HOLE BLIGHTTOWN IS GONNA BE PIMP AS FUCK. AND IT'S DARK SOULS YOU BITCH

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Pictured: Concept art for Blighttown (Besttown)
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Pictured: NOT BLIGHTTOWN (Grimy Shithole)

Lemme explain to you just how magnificent Blighttown gonna be:

=It's gonna be underneath the goddamn Sun Cathedral. How much more pimping could you possibly get without decking the whole place in purple and gold and giving every pimply-ass manchild a fucking cane?
=Primary transportation: Vines. That's fucking right, every citizen of Blighttown is gonna be a regular Tarzan, but with FUCKING CIVILITY
=Primary lighting: Fucking sunroofs. You bet your ass you read that right, while you're thanking the Goddamn Sun for letting you live so far, you can look under your feet and pray that one day you get to live in a goddamn utopia that's even half the manly god-city that is Blighttown.
=Primary housing: Alright, fuck, they're like smallish caves, but they're gonna be cozy as fuck caves. Who needs a goddamn 10x10x10 block for a bed and a chest anyway - Rosie O'Donnell?
=I ain't gotta tell you any more shit, aight? This is some grade A hints I be giving to the future, you best bow to the future seer before he sees his foot going up yo ass.

3. Guy's a wilderness survivor - Bear Grylls style without the piss drinking

Blighttown's a fucking long trip away from spawn, like I'm talking thousands of blocks away.

Who's the guy who settled the unconquered frontier? This guy. How he managed this feat:

=Firstly, he's a goddamn sexual Tyrannosaurus Rex, as mentioned previously. But did you also know that this guy's such a baller, Snoop'd be all "Damn, son, gotta get baller like this motherfucker."
=Secondly, he's like Rambo with a diamond sword. He made it that far with 16 slices of watermelon and stone tools, and it only took him three cycles. Not to mention the fact that this bro had enough watermelon left over to make a FUCKING FARM. You know what people called other people who did shit like that? PIONEERS, BITCH
=Speaking of Rambo, this dude's a walking massacre. Ain't a mob he hasn't tried to kill that he hasn't succeeded at doin' so. This one time, a fucking wizard chicken tried to phase through his workshop and Nacht was all "Hell no, bitch." And he punched it in the goddamn face like a pro. Lemme check how many times he's died. Oh look at that, the numbers about the same as HOW MANY FUCKS NACHT GIVES (Not counting that one time a creeper committed some serious-ass bullshit by spawning inside a holy cathedral, the punk)
=He even found a fucking abandoned mineshaft right below his workshop (man look at how lucky this guy is - like a lotto winner from Alabama) and conquered ALMOST ALL OF IT, ain't even cave spiders gonna stop him.
=Finally, but absolutely not lastly: Even though he an op (yeah, you watch your ass), he's gonna do everything in survival, because he isn't a cheating asshole like other people might assume.

4. FUCK YOUR SHIT, I'M OUT.

*drops mic*